As we arrive at the mid-point/cross-quarter point between the Spring Equinox and the Summer Solstice, how are you tending your Spiritual garden and your business dreams? Have you burst ahead full of enthusiasm and expansion, or have you been able to allow your roots to sink down, stay grounded in your vision while patiently working your way towards the surface before "blooming"? I have a tendency towards the former…in fact, I did that very thing by thinking it was "back in the saddle" after my 3-month sabbatical. To be honest, I was telling myself that I was easing my way back into things, yet at the same time energetically I was plowing ahead on the inside. I was envisioning all the possibilities and potentialities … I felt a little like Roger Daltry in Tommy doing cartwheels along the beach singing "I'M FREE!"
I was so inspired and liberated by the opening that was occurring on the inside, the shedding of layers that weren't me, and the releasing of things that no longer served me that I leapt forth on the inside and took myself right…over…my edge. I had all the intentions of writing a whole string of emails, sharing my journey -- and I still will! What I didn't count on was the contraction that came immediately after the replies started coming in. (Thank you everyone for the wonderful replies. To say I felt seen & heard doesn't begin to describe how it felt!) And so, I have spent the past 2 weeks "circling the wagons". Every day saying to myself: "Today's the day I'm going to write the next email." "Today's the day I'm going to tackle my ToDo List." "Today's the day I'm going to do client attraction activities." And, at the end of the day none of those things happened…😶
As I stalked myself to see what was going on, I could see how I was in my core strategy: to Distract. This knowing was helpful to be sure, and it was still very frustrating. I mean…I felt so free! I had so much to share, and yet I struggled to take action. The challenge with the Distractor strategy is it correlates to the Freeze response (fight, flight, fawn, freeze). Which means every time I tried to apply myself to my business - especially an email and client attraction activities - I'd hit a wall. And, this too is part of the process of unfolding, of coming back home to me, of bringing my gifts to the world, of being a soulpreneur…and I held firm to the knowing that this too is my dharma. And so, I dug in and got curious. As I worked my way through the contraction, another layer of healing began. It has been messy and it hasn't been easy. And it's been glorious. All the while I felt really present with what was happening. I felt both equipped and capable to navigate what was unfolding in my being and inexorably find my way back into some semblance of my Integrity. On my spiritual path, Integrity means I'm coming from love instead of fear. To be fully transparent, I still had to "encourage" myself to sit down and write this. I had to kind of sneak up on myself and plop my body in front of my computer. And…here I sit writing. I've made it this far without getting up or distracting much. Okay, I did go look for the Tommy GIF and, when I couldn't find one, I went looking for a way to make my own! And, I returned to writing in short order…YAY! This all brings me to the subject/topic of this email: why I put my business on hold and the door that's opened for me because of it.
Over the summer I completed my 1st group program and I had done "all the things" to get there. ✅I hosted a Masterclass that offered free sessions. ✅From the free sessions, people signed up for the program. ✅I met my goals as far as numbers, and I believe the overall experience and results for the participants met or exceeded expectations.
I felt like I had finally "arrived"!
In fact, I remember standing in the kitchen talking on the phone with a friend/business colleague stating that very thing…"I've arrived!". I felt expansive, in my power, confident, and excited for what was next.
And then being simply shut down. I found myself being easily triggered, I wasn't sleeping well, and I couldn't think straight -- not a nourishing combination for life or business!
I understood what was happening. I knew I was in the inevitable contraction following a BIG expansion. And it was a struggle to function.
I did manage to have a 10k month during that time -- I wasn't ALWAYS in struggle. And yet, for the most part I felt like I wasn’t thriving.
I knew I had to make a change.
So, I trusted in the friendly Universe and decided that for the time between the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox I would put my healing 1st and put my business on hold. I prioritized the clients I had, and received the new clients Spirit sent my way.
I shifted my business hours to allow for the first few hours of the day for spiritual and healing practices; I cultivated a rich connection with the Dark.
I discovered Sufi Dance and Qi--Gong to support my body in releasing old traumas, repressed emotions, Agreements (limiting beliefs), and patterns & behaviors keeping me stuck.
I became very intimate with how my body heals and the ways in which I have been holding myself back.
I reclaimed my singing voice. This has been the greatest gift of all.
And, on the other side of the 3 months, as I was preparing to ease my way back into the world, I experience an epiphany:
The life I had been striving to create for myself is not who I am.
I realized it was time to let go of not just the life I was trying to create, but also the business model I was working within. It was time to set myself free and live my life
on my own terms. And so, I have been clearing out much of my belongings that have been weighing me down, packing up the things that matter, and preparing to live a more gypsy lifestyle.
I'll be leaving Colorado at the end of May and working my way to South America. On the way I'll spend a couple of weeks in New Mexico. I'll be spending a week of that time in the San Geronimo mountains, off the grid at a retreat on my spiritual teacher's land for the apprenticeship I'm in with her.
I'll head to Texas next to spend the summer with family, re-calibrate my being and my business to a more nomadic lifestyle.
Then at the beginning of September I hop on a plane and head to the Andes of Columbia. I've booked a charming cabin for a month that I can't wait to meet. (That's an actual picture above)
After that…who knows? I can stay in Columbia for up to 3 months as a tourist. South America is a very large continent; perhaps I'll move on after a month, perhaps I'll stay.
The freedom to choose is what's nourishing my soul. I'm thriving on not knowing what comes after. I'm fueled by the options that are available to me now.
And so, as I finally finish this email I started a week ago, it seems appropriate that finally, during Beltane itself, the new shoots of my being break through the soil and enter the increasing light of day. (Some traditions consider Beltane to be a series of days, and not just one. I see the wisdom in that. It's not like all the blooms are blooming at the same time!)
As always, I appreciate you being on this journey with me (and making it all the way through this post!).
If you'd like to go deeper into this unfolding journey with me, keep an eye out for an announcement about my upcoming Patreon membership, where I'll be sharing more about healing, launching & running a business, being a gypsy, shedding layers that aren't me and owning who I really am, and ways in which you might do the same.
Until next time…may you follow the calling of your heart,